Oh, Doth We Love This Existence
by astrangetypeofchemistry
Summary: A compilation of drabbles concerning the very AU lives of the beloved characters. Based on original content, and small references, with humor EVERYWHERE. Read at own risk. Reviews and suggestions are ALWAYS appreciated.
1. You'we adowable, Awec

**Oh, Doth We Love This Existence**

 ** _This is a compilation of drabbles I can't help but post._**

 ** _Read at your own risk._**

 ** _Warning: Some things may be scarring._**

* * *

 **Drabble One: You'we adowable, Awec**

Shrugging off the annoying tanned hand from his right side, Alec continued to write down the list of adjectives in front of him, solely focused on _not_ focusing on the idiot next to him.

He knew his efforts had not gone unnoticed when a deep sigh was heard from his side.

Alec really shouldn't have let himself fall into a sense of security when Jace was quiet for the next two minutes. Because one minute, he was calmly writing down the Italian adjective _lento_.

And then next, a warm breath was washing over his neck, tickling his skin and making him squirm uncomfortably as the words "Hello, Snello," were practically inhaled under his chin.

In that moment, Alec froze. He didn't know what to do. Squirm noticeably and let Jace repeat it, knowing it would rise a reaction, or let it continue and bask in the idea of being able to wipe down his neck with bleach later? As it matters, the choice was taken away from him and Jace moved his head away and went back to copying down his adjectives.

Jace was a very very _very_ naughty freshmen.

After 30 blissful seconds of silence, Jace continued his torture.

"You know Awec," and the sound made Alec freeze. _No no no no, this couldn't be happening. Nooooooooooooo._ "You're very adowable."

Two months ago, on a field trip, Jace had offhandedly heard a girl comment that Alec was adorable. Of course, having no interest, Alec had brushed it off, but Jace wasn't so keen to. He believed the reason Alec brushed it off was because Alec didn't believe it, and now he went to _every freaking person in the world_ and asked "Isn't Alec adorable?" _Every. Freaking. Person._

It was quite enough to make Alec want to strangle Jace, family or not.

At that moment, their teacher came to them, and Alec sighed out in relief inaudibly. He would have 15 seconds without Jace's torture.

Oh, how wrong he was.

"Signora Salerno," the blonde boy next to him said, and Alec really didn't care, thinking it was some kind of question about the picture for _brutta_ or something, continuing to do his work. Big mistake. "Isn't Alec adorable?"

The color draining from his face, Alec slowly looked up from his work to find his teacher laughing, looking particularly amused as, blue eyes filled rage, Alec hissed _"Leave!"_ at Jace. Jace, who, like the smug bastard he was, only grinned.

 _"Si,"_ the teacher said, moving to walk away, and Alec didn't even take note of Jace's laughter next to him.

 _Strike a deal with Satan, now I know what my weekend's going to consist of._

* * *

 _ **Ha. Ha ha ha. True story. Oh man, I can still hear "Alec" hissing "Leave!" so viciously. Oh, that was a good day. And I have actually done this. And still do it.**_

 _ **Anyways, drop a review and tell me what you would love to read.**_

 _ **The next one I have planned is so amazing, I almost cry of laughter. You'll see.**_

 _ **Until next time, my little geese.**_

 **Writing Dreamer**


	2. Luke, I am your daddy

_**The day after I posted** You'we adowable, Awec **things happened. I haven't had the ability to actually type freely.**_

 _ **I am, however, hopefully, going to start posting more regularly. I've had this one planned for months, and I'm glad I finally have a chance to post it.**_

 _ **Without further ado, I give you scarred for life Simon.**_

 _ **Warning: This chapter is slightly suggestive.**_

* * *

 **Drabble Two: Luke, I am Your Daddy**

Simon Lewis had always considered himself to be a good person. He always kissed his mother's cheek. He never blatantly stared at anyone he thought was attractive. He didn't bother people. He even put up with his best friend who had tossed his feelings away like trash and rubbed her new relationship in his face. He had _never done anything wrong._

And, okay, yeah, there was that one time when he was thirteen that he and Clary, the aforementioned best friend, had sneaked some of her mother's Kahlua, but what kid these days didn't at least _taste_ alcohol?

 _The super religious ones,_ his brain tells him snidely, but his heart is beating too fast for him to feel annoyed at that moment.

The last time he and Clary had been hanging out, his love-struck friend had been too busy talking about her _boyfriend_ \- it hurt Simon so much that she hadn't even considered how he would feel- that he'd decided to once, for the first time ever, tune her out. There couldn't possibly be any harm to it. After all, Clary tuned him out all the time, and nothing ever happened to the short ginger. What could possibly happen to him?

In that moment, Simon received his answer in the form of burning bile trying to rise up his throat as his feet stayed glued to the ground, mortification filling him to the brim.

It seems that somewhere in her rambling about the ever so dreamy _Jaaaaaace_ , Clary had told him she would not be home that day. And, Simon, having tuned her out, had not picked up on it.

So, of course, like the loyal best friend he is, he had come over to pick her up because he was bored and he had known that there was an 85% chance she would not have any plans.

He really wished today had not been in the 15%.

The door to the apartment had been unlocked, and yet, the living room, kitchen, and bathroom had been empty. Incredibly worried, he had walked further into the apartment, proceeding quietly and cautiously. If there was an intruder, he would be damned if the intruder didn't face the wrath that the son of Elaine Lewis could unleash.

And now, he was standing frozen in the hallway, the door to Clary's room to his left, her mother's to his right.

And there was giggling coming from the middle-aged woman's room.

 _"I'm not hurting you, am I?"_

 _"No."_

In that moment, Simon Lewis- who had been in love with his best friend and treated like crap for it, who was in a band that was ridiculed for not keeping a stable name, who was laughed at for being skinny- was living through his worst moment. He was listening in on his best friend's mother _having sex with_ her _long time best friend._

 _I'll go to the synagogue every Saturday,_ he begged desperately. _I'll stop eating foods that aren't Kosher. Just please get me out of this horrible situation._

Impossibly, it actually got _worse_.

There was quiet giggling, and then the older redhead's voice whispering "Luke, I am your daddy."

The horribly overrated dialogue, combined with how scarring this situation was, jarred Simon back to reality, and he sprinted out of the apartment as fast as his feet could carry him.

His first meeting with _Jaaaaaace_ was when he threw up on the blonde boy's impossibly white shoes.

* * *

 ** _I got this idea while talking to a fellow Shadowhunter, and started laughing like a madwoman before my friend could even respond to the horrible dialogue I came up with. I swear, most of these ideas form because I come up with something a character should say._**

 ** _To the first_** _Guest_ ** _who reviewed, thank you so much, and I apologize that I didn't continue this before but I did have an unfortunate situation._**

 ** _To_** _Dru da Goose_ ** _, it was really sweet of you to review and let me know that they second_** _Guest_ ** _was out of line and invalid. I really appreciated it, and I hope to see you reviewing again!_**

 ** _Until next time!_**

 **Writing Dreamer**


End file.
